Did I Miss Something?

WHY, O WHY, O WHY WESTLIFE?!

Ok, that's out of my system. I do think it's a valid question, and a cry shared by millions of bewildered music lovers across the country. Well, I can proudly put my hand on my heart and say I have never bought a Westlife single or album, and I never will. I am willing to say that one or two of them have part-way decent singing voices. But really, people, this has to stop! They're not very good! They don't even have good looks in their favour. I even felt embarassed doing internet searches about them for this post!

The Irish 4-piece have hit on an absolute genius money-making formula for their music, or should I say their management has? 14 hit singles is quite an accomplishment and none other than x-Factor's Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh are the gruesome two responsible for this torture. Every song they release is tediously identical to the previous in structure and execution...

A solitary pianist plays some emotional chords.
The two who can sing on their own without too much embarrassment share the verses with the others 'Ooing' meaningfully.
More OOing and a chorus. Followed by verse three. More of the same.
Chorus 2. Note here the clenched fists and upward glances in the direction of
the camera.
Key change. The boys stand up off their stools and spread their arms.
Insert a gospel choir or rain if indoors.

And that's how it's done. They take a ballad, written for them by some chap who's most likely drowned in Guinness in small studio somewhere, and just do what they know. Now, obviously nobody is forcing me to listen to Westlife (although they get so much airplay, it's possible) and that's not even the problem.

What offends me most, is when they take old songs that are just about manageable and then brutally murder them. They did it to 'You Raise Me Up' (Josh Groban's original version tugs at the heart strings rather than activates the upchuck reflex) and now to 'Home,' a gorgeous song when performed by Michael Bublé, and absolute torture sung by the Irish whiners.

All the while Cowell and Walsh can jolly well sit there smugly raking in the money. They have hit a jackpot. And as long as there are impressionable pre-teen girls, and frankly deaf grannies around, Westlife are probably, regrettably, here to stay. But there's a way to stop their chart dominance. Parents - STOP giving young girls pocket money! Ladies - They are all either married or gay. Deal with it and stop screaming! Grannies - They are not nice boys. Get interested in McFly or someone!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the Westlife wagon has been a'rollin for way too long and needs to be derailed. Perhaps it was a joke that got out of hand. I hope so, because otherwise it's just embarassing!